Siblings: Shared Lived Experiences
They say the Chinese say, “Thank the gods you can choose your family because the devil chooses your family”.
I see things differently.
Especially when it comes to siblings.
Our siblings are not as much like the stars in the firmament but rather the planets in our orbit who spin and travel at speeds up to 100,000 Kms per hour around the sun as we soar through the universe. Not too far away but also not colliding with us.
As Kahlil Gibran wrote once “And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart”
Mural presented signifying the experience of living in the Foster Care system before aging out at the Annual International Foster Care Alliance Youth Summit where US aged out youth present along side Japan aged out youth from the same system.
Leyda Garcia-Greenawalt:Passionate advocate for children's rights and social justice with a robust background in law, social work, and research. As a Juris Doctor and Civitas Child Law Fellow from Loyola University Chicago School of Law, coupled with a Master of Social Work with a Concentration in Leadership and Social Change from the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign, I bring a unique blend of legal expertise and compassionate understanding to my work. My professional journey has been shaped by a dedication to improving the lives of vulnerable populations, particularly children entangled in the family regulation and juvenile legal systems.
Beyond my professional endeavors, I've actively contributed to the academic and policy discourse surrounding family regulation issues. I've published research shedding light on critical intersections such as incarcerated women's experiences with the child welfare system and the impact of immigration policies on vulnerable youth.
My commitment to advocacy extends beyond the courtroom and academia. I've served on the boards of organizations like OMNI Youth Services and Illinois CASA, where I've leveraged my expertise to influence policy and effect systemic change. Notably, my legislative advocacy efforts have played a role in the passage of crucial bills aimed at improving the lives of foster youth and alumni.
With a track record of leadership, advocacy, and scholarly contributions, I am eager to continue making a meaningful impact in the realm of child welfare and social justice. Whether in the courtroom, the boardroom, or the legislative arena, I am driven by a steadfast commitment to ensuring that every child has the opportunity to thrive in a safe and supportive environment.
“We spent a lifetime in the Foster Care system reminding everyone of our own humanity”
Veronica Krupnick: is a Youth & Tribal Advocate and Leader (Hopi/Jemez/Navajo) within the local, state and national child welfare community. After serving for 4 years as the Mentorship, Advocacy and Peer Support Program Coordinator at CASA First (Court-Appointed Special Advocates, First Judicial District), Veronica now serves as the Vice President of the organization’s Board of Directors. In the of Fall 2022, Veronica began her venture into the New Mexico Legislature, first serving as a campaign assistant, then the Senate Liaison, and now as the Majority Leadership Analyst for the New Mexico House of Representatives Majority Office.
Veronica returned home to New Mexico, after graduating from Fort Lewis College in 2017, to follow her passion for supporting and working alongside young people involved and impacted by the child welfare system. Having been through the child welfare system herself, Veronica is passionate about preventative services, lived experience voice, and advocating for the holistic well-being of children, youth, and families. Her current child welfare advocacy includes serving as a senior member of the National Foster Youth and Alumni Policy Council, a member of the National Child Welfare and Racial Equity Collaborative, and as Co-Chair of the Training Committee for the New Mexico Partners.
Japan aged out youth also presented. I was touched that one of the youth I met at the YouMeWe Gala in November 2023 sat next to me at lunch to explain their name had changed. I was curious to know more. I did not know if there had been an adoption or marriage. But it was explained to me that the name change was to make them more in line with the gender they were comfortable identifying with. I wanted to make sure I understood what I was being told and confirmed by saying, “OK, so my pronouns are he/him, does this mean your pronouns have now changed?” So he explained that his are now he/him. And I was happy he felt comfortable seeking me out to share this news and told he would be presenting in the afternoon session which I sat in on.
WannaGonna https://www.wannagonna.org/ presented on the project to take the Transition Toolkit from a paper-based product to online with the app that has been developed in collaboration with Code Chrysalis YouMeWe had a small part in making the connection between WannaGonna who does amazing work in collaboration to help NPOs with solutions such as the above.
A question was asked from the audience about the treatment of siblings in Foster Care in the United States as allegedly in Japan it is discouraged to continue the relationship with siblings as it is seem more beneficial for the child to lean into their new family and environment rather than to have the connection with the family they come from and their siblings.
Veronica is the oldest of 9 siblings and Leyda, the oldest of 6. They explained that in the United States, where are there are no orphanages, they are separated into Foster Care families and in some instances are not only separated but sent to different geographical parts of the country. To stay in touch is difficult and to remain bonded even more so distressing.
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I personally have a total of about 13 siblings between marriages of half and step siblings. Many years ago a donor made mention that the Masons give to charity and I should make a connection with them. I mentioned my great grandfather was a mason and went home that night to prove the connection on Ancestry.com. I never knew my biological father but discovered through the links on the site that he was still alive and had remarried. And…to my surprise…..I had even more siblings I was not aware of at the age of 48.
I decided, as a father, that if I was 68 and had a child I did not know, I would always wonder. So I sent a baby picture and my business card to his address on the internet. A week or so later, I had a LinkedIn invitation from one of my siblings Mandy. I met her on LinkedIn….I felt that was very modern. She wrote, “Are you the Michael Clemons we have been looking for?” While this was February 2016, December 2015, they had heard about me for the first time and tried to find me by looking for my late mother on Facebook. Hitting a brickwall had given up until my letter had arrived from Japan.
We connected and I travelled to meet both of these younger sisters and the bond has been strong every since.
Blood truly is thicker than water and to be in connection with your siblings is one of the greatest comforts as we have shared lived experiences.
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At YouMeWe we mentor children until they reach the age of adulthood and then coach them. I had been mentoring a multicultural child who had English until he reached the age of ten and entered the orphanage but was losing his English as he was in a purely Japanese environment. He is the reason YouMeWe sought out and connected with www.nightzookeeper.com as a software for him to keep engaged with the English language.
In 2019, we held our summer camp and another multicultural boy was there from a different orphanage. He asked if his brother was joining. I asked who is brother was and immediately became overwhelmed to learn that he was the sibling of my student. We are trained not to ask personal questions, so I did not realize he had a brother and that they were living apart. I had to leave the room when I learned this. I became too emotional to continue the conversation.
It took my about 24 hours to recompose myself to ask the next day at camp to the respective home representatives why the boys lived apart. Neither knew and it became clear that this has been decided at level either above or away from them so it was not questioned.
I then spoke to a brother and sister who were at the camp from a different home just to have the sister tell me her twin was at a different home. I am the father of twin daughters, I could not only imagine being separated from my siblings in my youth but to me it was and is unfathomable to image in daughters not living together.
Before my children were born, I looked into adopting siblings from the Ukraine with the idea of keeping them together. This became more difficult.
Yet, as I step back and look at the work we are doing, one of the homes we work with has 5 sets of siblings. We see them every week and it is highly satisfying that we are not only working with them as individuals but also watching them grow up together in a protected environment next to their brothers and sisters.
As Kahlil Gibran further wrote,
“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
